ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
