Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
