I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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