Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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