Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
