the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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