RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
