3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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