i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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