Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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