Soap is not a condiment
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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