Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
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