Moan for me like Helen Keller
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
