So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Bring me that man meat
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
