You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
areolas are like halos for boobs.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
