so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
