i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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