I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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