five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I take back everything I said about communal showers
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
