He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
