Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
