Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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