He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
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