hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
