I accidentally had phone sex last night
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
you will always have a special place in my vag
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
