But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
