You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
