Umm I'm too high to move.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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