thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
