Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
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Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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