Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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