I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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