ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
