it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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