The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
They have beer where we have blood.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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