so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
