were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
my poor anus
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
