I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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