that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
