I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
