you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
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