i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"