Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me