he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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