What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
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I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
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He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.