So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you