he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
whose ass print is on the piano?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle