Texts From Last Night

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  (757): View more from Virginia

  Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.

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  (757): Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef. http://tfl.nu/i5oo
  Replies (2) Good night (666) Bad night (1115)
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  (989): View more from Michigan

  I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa

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  (989): I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa http://tfl.nu/0rxp
  Replies (27) Good night (696) Bad night (3536)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks

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  (413): At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks http://tfl.nu/fbkp
  Replies (15) Good night (945) Bad night (2810)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  When are you freeeeeeeeee?

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.

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  (612): When are you freeeeeeeeee? (612): My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome. http://tfl.nu/b5yi
  Replies (8) Good night (5205) Bad night (1444)
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk

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  (918): my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk http://tfl.nu/q4ib
  Replies (14) Good night (4863) Bad night (823)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.

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  (330): you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there. http://tfl.nu/1912
  Replies (7) Good night (6289) Bad night (1229)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.

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  (513): his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick. http://tfl.nu/h0yf
  Replies (18) Good night (1435) Bad night (5079)
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.

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  (920): i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel. http://tfl.nu/bqxg
  Replies (26) Good night (13300) Bad night (1491)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.

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  (815): I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk. http://tfl.nu/8nn3
  Replies (14) Good night (3535) Bad night (1017)
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata

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  (313): Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata http://tfl.nu/0yl6
  Replies (5) Good night (2435) Bad night (772)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!

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  (724): I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw! http://tfl.nu/e9vz
  Replies (14) Good night (3483) Bad night (862)
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.

  (1-216): View more from Ohio

  Go her

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  (216): He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman. (1-216): Go her http://tfl.nu/p01p
  Replies (6) Good night (2147) Bad night (714)
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.

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  (804): I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit. http://tfl.nu/xryz
  Replies (5) Good night (1585) Bad night (636)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."

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  (214): He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here." http://tfl.nu/qwmx
  Replies (0) Good night (603) Bad night (384)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt

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  (860): I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt http://tfl.nu/f4bb
  Replies (3) Good night (214) Bad night (398)

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