first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
