Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
