Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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