You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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