You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
