Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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