I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
