you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
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