just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
