so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
