He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize