i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
