if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
