Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts