He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
