I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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