Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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