Michael Bay diarrhea
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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