The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize