is your mom at the bar?
there was a trapeze. enough said
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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