Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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