I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
